Affair Proof
your relationship
The salacious gossip of the day is…..ohhhh… she or he is having an affair! Yes, the accusation of affairs whether physical and emotional ones are the entertainment and worry of our current society. Surveys of the current generation for worries about relationships not just marriages are the faithfulness of their partners.
Has the breakdown of families opened our next generations to excessive worry to the point of neurosis?
The DSM V has fear of adultery/cheating by partners/spouses is now included as neurosis- a significant anxiety of many.
However, society and movies today illustrate this neurosis as a standard norm. Is this actually a norm or a neurosis, delusions?
So is the increase in the prevalence of cheating or having extra-relationship affairs true? If not, why does our society obsess about it? Why is this such a big worry?
If so , how can we understand this change in our society? Is it due to a breakdown of the family system? Is security and trust eroded in our society?
There are many viewpoints to why the rise of this fear and anxiety in our current society.
But more importantly, in my therapy office, I am asked not why? But how do we prevent it or how do we recover from such betrayal, pain, hurt and fear?
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STARTING POINTS:
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Know yourself and know your partner- understand how you view each other, what are the commonalities, differences both in personalities and values.
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Agree on the definition of love, friendship love, erotic love . Understand the differences between the various kinds of love.
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Learn how to express love to your partner in a manner which you both feel loved and cared for.
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Strive to improve and perfect your communication with your partner. Work towards the ability to share all your inner most fears, desires, wants, thoughts and emotions. In other words, learn to deepen your ability to be vulnerable.
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Seek to conflict resolute and forgive. Even when it seems like such a small conflict- make sure you go to bed resolved and in love. Thus, it means to forgive always.
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Conflict resolution means courage to confront and not play relationship games ie. 50/50, blame game, all or nothing thinking etc. tit for tat, dangers of over/under reaction.
